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humility

there are times when i feel humbled. or i feel just humble.

then there are MANY times when i do not.

but usually i do not because i did something amazing or awesome.

tonight i feel exactly that. except i have been on my bed for almost the whole night after dinner. so i don’t know why i feel this.

should i feel ashamed that i get cocky sometimes? I personally don’t think so.

should i tame it? YES. that is a definite, but i don’t need to feel guilt about it.

should i feel retarded when i have done absolutely nothing and still feel like i’m barney stintson?

i honestly feel retarded right now and i’m laughing to/at myself.

but damn. it feels good.

fob service pt 2

my fob church service that i go to.

the pastor today compared God to something really funny.

the song 나만 바라봐 by 태양.

he said that if you look at the lyrics that it could be our message to God. that

even though we cheat and lie that he will always only see us and will never love anything more than us.

honestly it was a stretch. but who knew uptight fobs with their 존댓법 could be so relaxed about using kpop in comparison to Almighty God?

such a stretch, but i admire something daring like that. hopefully he’s not struck down by fire from the skies for comparing God to a chick who has jealousy issues.

9gag

“I have the body of a GOD, unfortunately its buddha.”

haha. i need to work out. 

without you

it was really hard sleeping last night

i was tossing and turning and kicking my blanket.

i guess i just got so used to sleeping with her.

i can’t believe i left her at rutgers.

my dear body pillow. its impossible to sleep without you anymore.

valley

its hard to praise and give glory to God in the valley. during the struggles and hardships of this short temporary existence on earth. sometimes I ask myself, “how the hell did I let myself get into this situation?” or “what am I supposed to do now?”

Romans 8:28-30

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.

Pastor Richard Oh gave me this as his definition of what peace is when I asked him. Looked over it once to understand what he said. looked over it again when i told the praise team on what peace is. this is my third time seeing it again this month for my own good. Peace. How am I supposed to understand being predestined, called, justified, and glorified with such a small mindset? HOW DARE I sin and wonder what the hell happened. HOW DARE I look to other things in my life for peace. God is watching over me and yet I ignore such things and choose to wallow in self-pity for not being a better student, man, and son of God. God chose me. God WILL use me. and yet, its so hard to relinquish whatever imaginary control i think i may have.

it may be hard but I need to change my attitude on what is hard for me, because with the backing of God there is no such thing as hard. God said to trust him and put my anxieties before his feet. its because of my sin, which is DEAD, that i can’t seem to give up my control. this is what should comfort me. and yet in the dead of the night when things seem to pile upon my mind i find it so hard. this song takes the words right out of my mouth.

I’ve got something to say 
It’s been one of those days 
When I’m finding it hard to believe in You 

I’ve got something to say 
I’ve forgotten how to pray 
And I’m finding it hard to believe the truth 

I’ve got something to say 
Right now it feels like You are slipping away 
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith 
Like I’m alone 

I’ve got something to say 
What was black and white is gray 
And I’m finding it hard to believe in You 

I’ve got something to say 
Right now it feels like You are slipping away 
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith 
Like I’m alone 

And faith might mean there won’t be answers 
And hope might mean enduring through the night 
But help me not forget in darkness 
The things that I believed in light 

I’ve got something to say 
Right now it feels like You are slipping away 
Like I am drowning in a crisis of faith 
Like I was found, but now I’m lost in the fray 

I’ve got something to say 
It’s been one of those days 
When I’m finding it hard to believe in You

Anonymous asked: on a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to really delete my number from your phone?

10 sarah. especially now.

need

need to grow up once again. this time i think as a praise leader.

i’ve been saying that “as long as praise is good for God all is good.” and i still think

that’s true, but what about his people? 

what about his kingdom?

what ever happened to Him using me?

praise is not JUST a response to His glory

but its so much more.

and it becomes something when He uses it through people.

and it affects those around.

my praise leader always used to say “praise team should be at the Throne of God

and leading those that need and want to be there as well”

but i feel as if i’ve forgotten that second part. i’ve just been selfishly

wanting to be at the Throne of God by myself and wishing to praise Him

and those that chose to follow could. instead of leading i sort of ran off hoping that others might catch up.

looking now i realize how subtle that mistake was. 

just one part was missing. and it was so wrong.

need to grow up. if anyone has something to say to me, i’m all ears.