splitting paths
Coming into college there was alot of pressure for me. me and phil yang to be specific. but there was one person who gave us alot of pressure. pressure to be better, pressure to be leaders, pressure to be something. he would always say “you two are gonna rule this campus, you both are gonna bring the fire of God down to Rutgers”.
I guess it was an encouragement? but the way i took it was, follow my footsteps at rutgers and i will show you the path to which you were made for. and i thought that was gay. honestly. i chose rebellion. i chose to go into drugs xbox and girls. i didn’t want to adopt his friends, his church, his understanding of God. I didn’t want to be the next great leader alongside phil yang for rutgers new brunswick. so i chose not to.
today i realized how glad i am that i got into drugs, drinking, and girls. because if i hadn’t, i wouldn’t have experienced God pulling me from my struggles. i would have just been complacent and content with being whatever i would have been. i wouldn’t have understood what pain was. i would have been mundane. i’m not saying anything about phil yang, since he chose to stick close to that person and adopt that person’s church and adopt that person’s friends and adopt that person’s fellowship and adopt that person’s roommates. basically everything seemed like a hand me down. and i went the complete opposite way.
now i’m at GSF <> . living with KCCC people. with a set of friends i call my own. phil yang went on to be president of kcf. and i’m sure he affected alot of people. but honestly, i’m glad i found out the hard way what Christ can do in my life. i feel like i’ve lived a fulfilling life. who knows if i would have “brought the fire of God down upon Rutgers with phil” but i don’t care about being a fire bringing leader. i care about understanding what my savior does for me each and every second. with every struggle that i have. i didn’t need fire. i needed transformation.
thank you God. i love GSF. i love KCCC. i love Rutgers. and i love my brothers and sisters. thank you for showing me a path of hardships and struggles. and through that making me a stronger man. continue to give me strength. may i not become complacent. may i bring fire down when YOU want me to. not when others expect me to.
- your son, roy
